This is where I get all mom on you: Breast Pump Bags

Last night as I proceeded to search for a new bag (yes I am becoming a bag lady... but not that kind), it occurred to me that if there are any moms out there who are thinking about whether they should spend a few dollars on some "mommy conveniences", here are some of the ones that I bought or want to buy.

At this point in my life, I've been through kid one and now, I'm over the "make it work" stage and want things to work for me.  Maybe I'm getting old maybe I'm running out of space in my Yukon.  Either way, you get my unsolicited opinions (#ThanksForReading).

I don't care how long it's been since I last pumped. I'm still MAD.

This is a post about nursing and pumping so if this is the kind of thing that weirds you out or you think is gross, this is your opportunity to leave.

Go! Go now!!

If you are a mom, empathize with a mom, plan to be a mom, plan on feeding a baby breast milk, or are just plain interested in understanding how a grown woman can cry over spilled milk, well this is the post for you.  It is closing in on a year since I last pumped and it has been nearly three months since I last nursed but each and every drop of the precious milk I produced for my child was just as I described, PRECIOUS.

Maybe for people who have never pumped or didn't struggle to pump this may not be a big deal to you, but I despised pumping.  My severe aversion for the pump started the second I hooked myself up to those uncomfortable cones at the hospital.  The hospital kept sending me lactation specialists to check on how I was nursing my daughter.  We had no problems nursing.  What they should have been sending them for was to teach me how to pump.  Nursing just kind of clicked with me.  Pumping did not.

The number of problems I seemed to have endured in the beginning could have been taken as signs that I should quit.  I'm stubborn so I didn't.  I bought different size cones, inserts, soothers and even a new pump.  I bought creams and oils for days.  I Googled and YouTubed so many how to videos I started to feel like I was in my internship to be a pumping consultant.  Finally there came a point where I'd gotten good enough that I could deal with whatever discomfort came that day.

Most days I pumped 6 times or so while still nursing in between.  I carefully bagged and labeled each and every ounce.  I froze and bagged each Lansinoh bag into a gallon size bag for careful transport and to know if my supply every got low.  My goal was to get my daughter to one year with no formulas or other supplementation.  I didn't it but it definitely did not come easy.

These bags were my favorite of all the milk storage bags that I used. Never once did one of these bags leak or break like some of the others.

I made sure that I pumped until there would be enough milk until she turned one.  Nursing wasn't so bad for me so we still nursed in the morning and before bed at night until she was 15 months or so.  

I remember the day I quit pumping.  I just couldn't bring myself to pump one more time.  It definitely wasn't a planned date or anything.  That day, I'd packed all of my pump supplies, lugged it all to work and even gone to the room where I normally pumped.  I sat down in the chair, I pulled out all of the supplies.  Then I just stared at them.  I sat there for a good five minutes before I picked up my phone and called my husband.  The first thing I said to him was, "I quit."  

Those words could have been taken in a few different ways but he immediately knew what I was talking about.  His response was, "Good.  How do you feel?"  How could he have known that was what I was talking about?  Well, because he knew the struggles I'd had with it.  Maybe he didn't know the full extent of the tears that came with it but he knew that I hated it.  

See this bottle?  This was 45 minutes of torture.

Here is the part where I cry over milk...

Now, I have knocked over nearly 4 ounces of milk and nearly lost my mind.  I eventually got over it but I never forgot the carelessness that caused it to happen.  It never happened again.  

There have been two times where I found milk in bags that got wasted.  Once, I found an entire gallon sized ziplock bag full of the smaller Lansinoh bags in the trunk of my husbands car.  The other time came just earlier this week.  I found four small bags of curdled milk in a lunch bag that had been in the trunk of the car for 6 months or more.  I know we all make mistakes and forget stuff but those hurt.

The rational me had to convince the enraged pumping mother me that it was just a mistake and it happens.  I don't care how many times I tell myself it was totally unintentional that it happened, a little part inside of me starts balling like a five year old who's ice cream cone fell on the grimy sidewalk in a pile of cigarette butts.  

If you have never felt complete disdain for your pump, pumping, or have no idea how someone can be so irrational about milk just remember this post.  There are actually people who put their blood, sweat and tears into pumping.

Being a Stealth Ninja

Being a mom has turned me into a stealth ninja.  I know there are parents out there that absolutely forbid any time of household noise during nap time and after bed time but I never wanted to be one of those parents.

My brother's son is 3 and we were never as quiet as I am during nap time.  Let me just say, I do NOT like lots of noise.  If you were ever to get into my car, the radio is often pretty low.  I mean I am the person who turns the radio down before the shut off the car... always!! It literally pisses me off if I get into my car and when I turn the key on the radio is loud.  However, I don't think that it is necessary to be silent in your time while a child sleeps.  As a matter of fact, I used to try to make a bit of noise while my daughter napped so that in the future it wouldn't be such a problem...

Well, we all choose our sleeping battles.  I would love if my daughter slept in her crib all night without getting up but let's be real, I haven't forced her to and I've now created a monster.  I was the one who was hesitant to move her from the co-sleeper to her crib at 4 or 6 months (great mommy memory there!).  I knew that moving her meant that if she wanted to nurse that I'd have to really wake up to do so instead of just grabbing her from her co-sleeper.

There are plenty of people that will read this and think, why didn't you just give her a bottle... well, I hate pumping.  Let me clarify that, I F---ING HATE PUMPING.  You won't catch me cursing (like the sailor that I am in real life) in this blog but let me make it clear, when there are occasions that require that I take the time to really let you know how I feel about something that I will.  There are so many occasions that I wanted to just tell my husband to get a bottle and handle it but I wouldn't because the he'd use my preciously pumped milk.

Listen, as a working mom who hates to hear my child (or any child for that matter) scream in sleep frustration, I tend to cave at some things.  I still nurse my child to sleep, she's just over 12 months, I put her to bed asleep, I cuddle her while she's napping... I know that all these things are "wrong" but I don't want to be right because I love it.  I love every snuggly moment that she will allow me to have.

Some day, much sooner that I'd hope, she is going to be daddy's girl and the days of mommy clingliness will be over.  She loves me to the point of clinginess right now.  Hence the reason I have become a stealth ninja.

When I put my daughter to bed, there are too many times where she ends up in our bed.  Her bedroom is right across the hall from ours but she doesn't have the greatest track record for sleeping in her crib (which could be a blog post in itself one day but well see)

I work full time and so does my husband.  We need sleep.  There is no if ands or buts about it.  Sleep is critical in this house and that is often sacrificed by either lack of sleep or bad habits.  We chose bad habits.  I would rather get a bit of sleep before showing up to work like a zombie than making sure that my daughter slept in her bed but it's a matter of personal opinion.  The cry it out method has worked for so many people it is tempting to me but I just haven't built up the strength to endure a rough two to five days to deal with it.  With all that said, she still sleeps in our bed pretty often.

Once, our daughter has gone to bed or early in the morning before she's awoken, I often do things like: clean, cook or organize.  My favorite is cooking but I know that the other things have to be done.  This is where being a stealth ninja comes in.

Like I said there are times where my daughter will be sleeping in our bed.  She sleeps great in our bed.  She does however know when I've left the room.  It's exhausting.  I have become a stealth ninja because of all the situations that require a careful removal of yourself from the bed.  If my daughter is sleeping in our bed, just freaking deal with it.  I know I may possibly be able to move her across the hall but realistically she is going to wake up.

Best of luck to all of you out there!!!!