I'm making time for this post

As you can tell, I am not a consistent blogger (say whaatttt?!).  I admire those who are and think that it takes serious dedication to post even weekly.  As an out of the home full time working mom I tend to fill up my time quickly collapsing exhausted into bed every night.  Or falling asleep on the couch only to be told to go to bed by my dear husband (who probably doesn't want to hear me complain about my crappy couch sleep).  It's been even more full as I am 36 weeks pregnant as of today (and slightly terrified of my exciting new life change soon).

I often start posts and leave them unfinished in my drafts because I haven't gathered enough pictures or found anything to pretty it up, so there can be weeks where I post nothing.  It bothers me but I usually get over it quick because I've busied myself with my next task of: work, normal house duties or trying to get ready for the new baby with the limited time (and energy) I've allotted myself.  Today, I decided that whether I put pictures in this post or not doesn't matter, what matters is that I wrote and posted it.

This blog is something that I write because I like to.  It is the things that I felt were worth sharing.  Sure, there are plenty of people who will never understand it and wonder why would anyone put "their business" out there but you know what?  I don't care.  I used to be one of those people.  As, I grow and evolve as a person I understand more and more of why people do what they do (even if I don't agree with it).

With that said, October 15th is two things to me.  First it is the day extended individual tax returns are due.  As a former tax accountant there are a few dates in your head that you never forget and this is one of them.  Second, it is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  It wasn't until this year that I learned there was an actual day dedicated to it.  I was aware that October was a month that had been dedicated to it but not an actual day.

Today, I choose to recognize this day.

Oh my goodness, we're in the count down...

Last week it occurred to me that I only had 10 weeks left... 10 weeks!!  In less than 10 weeks, I will be responsible for another living being.  Where did the time go?  I feel like it was just a minute ago that I was writing the first posts about being pregnant again.

I'll be responsible for another beautiful human being like this one in less than 10 weeks.

This time has been so much different than last time.  There was no other little one running around being crazy last time, there was no dinner and bedtime schedules to abide by.  It was just me and the husband preparing for the new baby.  Back then I had time to shop at random stores to look at things for the new baby and eat wherever and whenever I felt the need.  It was amazing.  We are still having lots of fun right now but it isn't the same feeling as last time.

I'm so unprepared.

Have I thought about my hospital bag?  No.

Have I thought about making sure I have the newborn clothes for the new baby?  No.

Have I even gotten my newborn cloth diapers back yet?  No.

What am I doing with myself??!!

I don't want to look... It's too scary to look!!

Last time around I had checklists galore.  Probably too many, but checklists are nice.  They keep me organized and sane.  When you've completed the task you can cross that bad boy off the list.  Do I even have one checklist right now?  Nope... well maybe, I may still have the original hospital checklist in my phone from last time but who knows.

Last time I was so prepared I made a second hospital bag for one of my co-workers because she didn't have a lot of friends in this area and I thought it would be fun.  (Hi Catie! Hope you and Maddy are doing well).  I mean two hospital bags?  Yup.  That is normally who I am.  Right now, I'm just happy if I make it home in time to eat dinner and get the little momma to sleep before 9:30 pm.  If I get the dishes or something else done around the house that's a bonus.

I feel like I need to make a checklist of checklists that I need to start checking off.  Yup, you read that right a checklist of the checklists I need.  Maybe this week's "Work on it Wednesday" will be to get my lists ready by next weekend.  I haven't done a "Work on it Wednesday" in a while.  I actually forgot about them until this post.  (I'm still reading a little, not as much but some).

This week's work-on-it-Wednesday is to make the checklists of things I need to get done for the new baby.  I mean I've been pregnant for 31 weeks almost... I think it's time to get my act together.

Maybe I'll even blog about it... or better yet, I'll do a video :-)

 My 30 week belly shot

I don't remember this either last time...

March 31, 2015

It just occurred to me that I don't remember going to appointments like two weeks apart in the beginning.  Maybe my doctor is just being cautious with me.  I'm not sure.

I've had pregnancy complications in the past so I understand that my doctor is a little more cautious with me.  I don't however remember seeing the doctor every two weeks.  I also don't remember getting an ultrasound every two weeks in the beginning.

On Monday (yesterday), I went to the doctor.  Luckily she did change our next appointment to be in 4 weeks but I am having an ultrasound tomorrow.  I just had one two weeks ago.  Don't get me wrong, I love getting to see the blob turn into something but it was a tiny blob last time... I'm pretty sure it will be a slightly larger blob tomorrow.

Oh well, maybe the doctor is just checking something else out and doesn't want to unnecessarily alarm me about something that may turn out to be nothing.  We'll see.

I don't remember this last time

March 24, 2015

This pregnancy has been different than before... or maybe I conveniently don't remember it being this way.  Who knows.  Either way this pregnancy is kicking my ass.

My poor husband is probably so tired of hearing me say the following:

• I'm tired.
• Why am I so exhausted?
• I just need to take a nap
• Let let me lie down for 10 minutes
• Do you need dinner tonight?
• I don't feel good
• My stomach hurts
• No I'm just tired

The one thing I do remember is being moody.  Not like lash out and go all Kanye West on paparazzi crazy but emotional like, "everything is making me cry" moody. 

I am however am extremely lucky that I don't have worse symptoms and I acknowledge that but I am not going to sit here and type that it's all hunky-dory, sunshine and lollipops.  It's hard.  It's especially hard to be this way when you haven't told but a few people.  

It's kind of like self torture.  You don't want to tell anyone how you are feeling but the beginning of the pregnancy is usually when you feel the worst.  Your body hasn't morphed into a giant fetus hotel yet so you just look chunkier or more bloated than usual.  To top it off, you are most likely too scared to tell anyone what the issue is for fear that, God forbid, you send a little angel to heaven.

Why? Why must we torture ourselves.  

Pregnancy is not perfect.  If anyone says it is, they are lying and you should distance yourself from them.  For the most part, I like being pregnant as I generally feel pretty good but we all have our days.  We miss things like: 

• Not looking like we're smuggling different types of balls under our shirts 
• Pants that fit for more than a month at a time
• Feet that fit our "fun" shoes (because our feet have widened and we fear they may never shrink again!)
• Wine, beer, spirits, etc.
• Not having aches in more places than you'd ever like to count
• Sleeping a full eight hours waking feeling refreshed not like you've gone to an all night rave and drank too much
• Sushi
• Lunch meat
• etc.

So if you are pregnant, get pregnant or have been pregnant remember that you are doing something incredible.  Something that doesn't seem possible.  Something that deserves praise.  

It's a hard job and the boys just can't handle it.  Haha! 

Just finding out...

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

By the time I actually make this post public weeks will have gone by.  Probably close to twelve, well at least I hope so.

I've decided this pregnancy, I will take the time to enjoy it a little more.  When I was pregnant with my daughter I spent the whole time trying to make sure that I didn't disrupt much of my life as it was.  I tried to make sure that I didn't disrupt my husband and those around me lives.  I never stopped.  I worked and was running the whole time.  This time I want it to be different.

I'm not sure how many more times I will do this so this time I need to just relax a little.

Well not like this but you know what I'm saying, relax and enjoy the ride!