Disappointment

Sometimes I look at my life and think it's pretty good and other days I'm pretty unhappy with what I see.

Some days are going to be so much more disappointing and will have you questioning everything you've done. Did I wear the right lip stick? Should I have worn these pants with those shoes? Did I major in the right field? Did I pick the right career. Some days the answer will absolutely be yes. Other days you won't be so sure.

On the days you aren't sure remember to believe in yourself and trust your process. If you aren't believing your plan or your process then change it. Believe that whatever you decide to do is the right thing and do it!

Being a Stealth Ninja

Being a mom has turned me into a stealth ninja.  I know there are parents out there that absolutely forbid any time of household noise during nap time and after bed time but I never wanted to be one of those parents.

My brother's son is 3 and we were never as quiet as I am during nap time.  Let me just say, I do NOT like lots of noise.  If you were ever to get into my car, the radio is often pretty low.  I mean I am the person who turns the radio down before the shut off the car... always!! It literally pisses me off if I get into my car and when I turn the key on the radio is loud.  However, I don't think that it is necessary to be silent in your time while a child sleeps.  As a matter of fact, I used to try to make a bit of noise while my daughter napped so that in the future it wouldn't be such a problem...

Well, we all choose our sleeping battles.  I would love if my daughter slept in her crib all night without getting up but let's be real, I haven't forced her to and I've now created a monster.  I was the one who was hesitant to move her from the co-sleeper to her crib at 4 or 6 months (great mommy memory there!).  I knew that moving her meant that if she wanted to nurse that I'd have to really wake up to do so instead of just grabbing her from her co-sleeper.

There are plenty of people that will read this and think, why didn't you just give her a bottle... well, I hate pumping.  Let me clarify that, I F---ING HATE PUMPING.  You won't catch me cursing (like the sailor that I am in real life) in this blog but let me make it clear, when there are occasions that require that I take the time to really let you know how I feel about something that I will.  There are so many occasions that I wanted to just tell my husband to get a bottle and handle it but I wouldn't because the he'd use my preciously pumped milk.

Listen, as a working mom who hates to hear my child (or any child for that matter) scream in sleep frustration, I tend to cave at some things.  I still nurse my child to sleep, she's just over 12 months, I put her to bed asleep, I cuddle her while she's napping... I know that all these things are "wrong" but I don't want to be right because I love it.  I love every snuggly moment that she will allow me to have.

Some day, much sooner that I'd hope, she is going to be daddy's girl and the days of mommy clingliness will be over.  She loves me to the point of clinginess right now.  Hence the reason I have become a stealth ninja.

When I put my daughter to bed, there are too many times where she ends up in our bed.  Her bedroom is right across the hall from ours but she doesn't have the greatest track record for sleeping in her crib (which could be a blog post in itself one day but well see)

I work full time and so does my husband.  We need sleep.  There is no if ands or buts about it.  Sleep is critical in this house and that is often sacrificed by either lack of sleep or bad habits.  We chose bad habits.  I would rather get a bit of sleep before showing up to work like a zombie than making sure that my daughter slept in her bed but it's a matter of personal opinion.  The cry it out method has worked for so many people it is tempting to me but I just haven't built up the strength to endure a rough two to five days to deal with it.  With all that said, she still sleeps in our bed pretty often.

Once, our daughter has gone to bed or early in the morning before she's awoken, I often do things like: clean, cook or organize.  My favorite is cooking but I know that the other things have to be done.  This is where being a stealth ninja comes in.

Like I said there are times where my daughter will be sleeping in our bed.  She sleeps great in our bed.  She does however know when I've left the room.  It's exhausting.  I have become a stealth ninja because of all the situations that require a careful removal of yourself from the bed.  If my daughter is sleeping in our bed, just freaking deal with it.  I know I may possibly be able to move her across the hall but realistically she is going to wake up.

Best of luck to all of you out there!!!!

Oh Snap! Am I still married?

I broke my wedding ring!

How do you do that you may be asking yourself?  Well the answer is I don't know.  I was walking down the hall at work last week and heard something hit the carpet and suddenly thought, my hand feels weirdly lighter at the same time.  As I looked down I thought, "oh no!  How do I explain this to my husband?" And at the same time, "please, let that be the noise I heard."

It felt like my feet had become cement blocks when the idea that my ring broke had crossed my mind.  After my initial thoughts of panic rushed over me in a flood, my next wave of panic set in.  When was the last time I had my ring inspected?????  Where is that paperwork you can never seem to find???  Oh my God, I have to tell my husband!

Thank goodness the noise I heard was it and it only took me a minute to find it.  Whew!!!

After I found it I took the above picture and promptly text it to my husband and Instagram.  You know because those nearly life changing events have to be shared with the world.  Haha!! My husband's response was:

Yup, he went to Jared!  hahahahahahaha!!!

For once I new where it was, safely tucked into the back part of my suv (aka thrown in the back of my truck while in a rush to make my 50 lb purse lighter).  As I arrived at the jeweler I prayed that my memory had served me right and that it hadn't been more than 6 months since my last inspection.  I mean I'd been thinking that I should go get it checked out but hadn't made it to the store yet to do it.  I could not have been happier to know that I was still within my time frame.  I was screaming like a little schoolgirl inside that I hadn't gone past the inspection expiration period.

My husband and I were supposed to be shopping that day but obviously this was going to be our first stop.  Our daughter had fallen asleep on the way to the store so I went in without them and started the process... I was in the store for more than an hour.  I thought they'd take the ring, look at it and say, "yup we'll weld this bad boy together and you'll have it back by the end of the week."  Cool... not cool, the man (with the gorgeous, impeccable handwriting) inspected the ring and the diamond, and the diamond again, and the diamond again.  I thought, "wow, this guy is really thorough."  He excused himself and walked away asking if I has a few minutes to wait.  Um, yup, you kind of have my ring...

He let me know that he needed his assistant manager to take a look at it.  Of course it's Christmas time and the store is busy so this takes some time.  At this point I've been in the store so long, I'm positive that my husband and child are going to come in asking if I'm ever going to be done.  It's no big deal though.  I'm just glad I can grab some free water, I'm parched!

I watch as the assistant manager and the original man helping me look under the microscope, talk then look again.  A little more discussion, another look, and finally they look at me.  I'm thinking all kinds of crazy things like, "is this the wrong diamond?  Is it a diamond?  Do they think I did something to it?  What is going on?  I swear I'm innocent!!"  My imagination is quite vivid and can think up some crazy things.

I was way out in left field on my thoughts.  It turns out my diamond had gotten cracked.  Yes, you read that right, the diamond was cracked.  How?  I don't know but it was.  Now, I am getting a new diamond but they will have my ring for like 2 months.  *sad face*  Maybe it was a blessing in disguise but dang, I feel a bit naked without it.  So if you see me without my ring, I'm still married, just clearly too hard on my jewelry.

Lesson of the day:  Set some damn calendar reminders to have your ring inspected because it just may save your marriage!

Oh Christmas Bills! Oh Christmas Bills!!

You can go ahead and sign that just like I did to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree!

It has been quite a few years since I've really had to buy gifts for any one.  There are only a handful of people that I feel obligated to buy for and as a result I can do most of it online in a fairly quick manner.  For the last two years the person that I fretted over the most was my nephew and hasn't really cared much in the past about what he got it was the excitement of opening things (he's 3).

We do a gift exchange on Christmas with my husband's family as well.  Last year we did books and bags, the bags I had embroidered turned out to be really crappy but you can't win every year.  Since we had just had our daughter the bags were supposed to be little kits that were filled with diaper, a blanket, etc. for when she was out with each family but that didn't quite happen but it was the idea.  My husband and I don't exchange anything really.  I mean technically I purchased him this sweater for Christmas...

This is "his" sweater

I actually bought it in gray with the blue pony but I can't seem to find a picture of that one.

This year, on December 15th, my best friend kindly reminded me that Christmas was next week.  WHAT???  I'm sorry did you say that I have like a week of possible shopping time before the holiday???  Number one, she knows me way too well and probably knew that I didn't realize it was coming around the calendar corner at speeds faster than a speeding bullet.  Number two, what in the world am I going to buy for everyone???  I had written down like two ideas but hadn't really put too much thought into making it a complete gift.  I enjoy giving gifts and I enjoy the whole idea of making the packages to put together for everyone but what?  

In typical me fashion (who hates shopping) I tried to see what I could get online.  The problem with shopping online is that you can't feel and touch and compare the products the way that you would in a store.  I love shopping online because there are no crowds, or irritating people bothering me and I'm not trying to wrangle my daughter.  Alas, I gave up and decided to shop in the stores.

Because of my lack of planning and thinking things out, I've spent way too much money.  I mean over kill.  I am not mad that I spent the money I'm just mad that I didn't spread it out a little more.   I hate getting big credit card bills no matter how long I have planned and saved for events such as this.  

Gah!  Why do I do this to myself???  I'm scared to look at my credit card bills...  

My Husband Found My Blog

Ok, not really, he knew I was writing one but he didn't realize how often I was posting and that I've been fairly active on it (maybe not as active as other people but active for me!).  He's technically seen it before because I've asked him to look at things and tell me what he thinks.

He's quite computer savvy but not in the world of social media.  He's the guy that hasn't had a social media account since Friendster and MySpace were the biggest things out there. It kind of makes me laugh because if you look at my phone vs his phone, I've got a folder called "social media" filled with all my social media apps from Facebook to WeHeartIt.  He's got Stitcher Radio and Candy Crush.  We are total opposites when it comes to phone apps.

I'm not saying that I'm that active on all of those sites but I at least know if them and know how to use them.  My favorite social media site has to be Instagram.  I mean who doesn't love looking at pictures.  I'm almost disappointed that they have videos now because I just want to see pictures.

He did tell me that he was pretty impressed that there were people looking at my blog but then he asked who was looking at it... I don't know, I just know that there are at least a few people who are out there taking a look at it.  The internet is a funny place.  It is a nice place where you can be out there being who you really want to be but you can also be a complete fraud.  I'm not a fraud.  This is me just being me.

So darling husband if you read this, thank you!  I hope you at least enjoy the posts!  Love you!!